Parents contact us by phone or e-mail on a regular basis for support. They want to know how to help their loved one in a journey of healing. Many parents struggle to know what they can and can not do for their children. So let me take this issue to share what I hope will be helpful healing hints for parents in this painful time with their children. This time that is their journey of healing.

Hints to Help you heal:

• Recognize you are grieving.
  As parents we have dreams for our child and their life. When a child shares with us that they are stepping outside of our dreams for them we as parents must adjust our dreams. When a child reveals their same-sex attraction we naturally find ourselves grieving their decision. It may take a while to realize but the anger, shock, denial, questioning and state of loss we experience is indeed a part of this grief. Just note that this is temporary as your child is not gone but your expectations and relationship with him/her will change.
   
• Acknowledge your limitations.
  As part of this grief process we will often then seek to be a change agent in the life of our child. The hardest part of this time is coming to realize and accept that we can not, no matter what we do change our child. As much as you try you can not change them anymore than they can change you. Change is a very personal issue we only change when we see we must. Your child may want to change but can only do so when they determine to do so. Change takes great personal investment people do not change simply because we want them to.
   
• Remember your responsibility.
  So where does that leave you? You must remember your responsibility to your child and more importantly to God. God gave you that bundle of joy to raise, love and guide. What does this mean as your child grows and enters adulthood? It means you acknowledge their rights and affirm their gender as well as accentuate the good you see in them. This means you learn to agree to disagree and not continue to bring it up.
   
• Make a personal commitment.
  Now that we have talked about these hints here is the hardest. For parents in their journey to understand and love their child it means we must choose to commit to change. We must commit to personal self healing and this will entail change.

God is very faithful to us and we know you will make it through this time and even grow from it. As many parents have shared with us their walk with God has grown and they have healed in so many ways. But what of relating to your child, how do you do that? First let me say this is different for each of us. Here like above are a few hints for relating to your child.

Hints as you relate:

• Realize your child grieved before you.
  For your child they have been grieving and fighting this issue much longer than you and in silence by themselves. When you relate remember this was not an easy journey in his/her life. Take the time to ask open questions about their journey, simply to understand them not to change them.
   
• Seek to understand before you act.
  When you make decisions, as God guides you always seek to ask questions to understand, listen, pray and then act. The importance is that they know you love them and care.
   
• God chose you.
  While as the PFOX conference author and counselor Richard Cohen stated, “Parents you were chosen.” I know this seems hard but God chose you to raise, love and guide your child. This also means that in you there is the ability to raise, love and guide your child and you must tap into God’s strength for your child.
   
• Commit to change.
  Commit to change for as your child watches you change and grow, they will know the power of God at work. They will know all things are possible with God.

These are just a few hints we hope will help you and your loved one. Most of all we would just close by reminding you this is a marathon not a sprint. Prepare for the long haul and be faithful to the healing journey.

We pray that God’s Grace carry you over every hill and through every valley you face.