Thankful for the Fall That Woke Me Up

            It was a real eye-opening experience when I realized that I should be thankful — yes, thankful — for that last fall.  I’m too much of a performance-oriented perfectionist to ever be thankful for something that even resembles failure — let alone a full-blown FALL with all that that means.

             But, God showed me that I needed to see that He was there even when I fell — and that He was going to use that fall to really wake me up.  And, it really did!

            I saw for the first time the attempt I was making to “medicate” the hurts and disappointments of life and living by chasing after my sin.

             I perceived for the first time what this type of “medicating” does to me — how it makes everything worse and works to destroy me.

             I experienced shortly after my fall a real outpouring of God’s love through preaching of the Bible that emphasizes the importance of living right — with the compassion of God’s love gently calling me back.

            Then, I saw for the first time what continuing to do this type of “medicating” was going to do to me — in other words, I saw it ahead of time instead of waiting ‘til it was over to experience regret, shame, guilt, and failure.  As I was heading into a particularly rough situation, God allowed me to see that if I “pre-medicated” — as my flesh desperately wanted to do — it was going to make it so much worse!

             This was the beginning of real sobriety and insight that has continued, by the grace of God.

            Am I sorry that I “acted out” that day?  You bet I am!  Do I carry some psychological scars (I call them “mental pictures”) that I wish I could erase?  you bet I do!  But, even at that, can I find gratitude for the situation with what God has taught me through it?  You bet — and I’m glad that it happened — because, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, it was the last time!