Common Questions about Homosexuality

1. What is homosexuality?

A Homosexual is, "One who is motivated, in adult life, by a definite preferential emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to members of the same sex and who usually, but not necessarily, engages in overt sexual relations with them."

2. Is Homosexuality just something we are born with?

No!! It is not genetic. There is no scientific proof; no one is born gay!

Homosexual or lesbian tendencies or inclinations are the result of developmental and environmental factors and learned behavior. There is no one single factor that inclines a person to be gay; it is a combination of multiple factors, for example:

a. Lack of "bonding" or "connectedness" with one's same gender parent (a boy with his father and a girl with her mother). Whether real or simply perceived situations. This causes a hunger for a "father-like" or "mother-like" love.

b. Sexual molestation: on average 60-70% males; 80-90% females. In a boy, this will "awaken" his sexual curiosity. In a girl, this may cause her to fear or distrust men.

c. Peer labeling: "queer," "fag," "sissy," "dyke," "lesbo," "butch". "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a lie!

d. Internal beliefs: "Something is wrong with me. I feel so different from everyone else. Why am I not like the other boys? Why don't I like girls?"

e. Sexual curiosity and experimentation with the same gender or the opposite gender; this can add to an already existing confusion and "make matters worse."

f. Media's influence; homosexuality is applauded and "glorified."

g. Generational sin, which is scriptural.

h. The adversary's lies.

i. Like any thoughts or behaviors, the more a person involves oneself in something, the more "hold" it will have on the person and the more a stronghold is developed: "We become what we think and do."

3. What do you mean by change?

We mean that God's desire for each Christian is to be transformed by the renewing of our minds and this can and does bring change to our lives.

4. Can people really change from homosexuality and become straight?

We approach this question with this understanding:
 

Homosexuality and lesbianism really are not sexual problems. They are surface symptoms of deeper, root emotional and relational issues which need healing and restoration. The "roots" of homosexuality and lesbianism are mainly emotional and center on issues like: rejection, envy, loneliness, fear, unforgiveness, misperceptions, sense of inadequacy, shame, and deception. It is ultimately a search for love, acceptance, affirmation, and affection; it is a search to meet legitimate needs in an illegitimate way.

Because of this understanding we believe that people can heal and part of that healing is healthy change. People can change from homosexuality as the transforming work of Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit, renews them. The idea of that transformation is not from homosexuality to heterosexuality. That would mean to change from one struggle to another struggle, and God does not desire that. The transformation is one of healing our hurts acted upon in sinful ways to allow God's holiness become part of who we are. It is a result of this transformation that individuals are freed from their bondage to find holiness. God wants all to be holy as He is holy. This change could mean that one is attracted to the opposite sex in a healthy way. More important though is that the individual will be healthy and holy in all relationships.

5. What does scripture say about homosexuals and God?

Scripture is very clear to say that homosexual sin is wrong, as is any sexual sin or any sin for that matter. Scripture also affirms that God desires none to perish but that all would turn to Jesus by faith and receive the gift of eternal life. We are told that Jesus came with one purpose in mind to seek and save those which are lost, this is his greatest delight. God gave up his most precious possession to ransom all who would receive him from the pit of hell.

Be sure to check out these scriptures:

2 Peter 3:8-10
John 3:16-18
Ephesians 4:22-5:5
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Colossians 3:2-10
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Proverbs 24:12, 16

Also, please see our Spiritual Laws section for more scripture.

6. Why would a loving God let horrible things happen to me?

We here at CrossOver know that there are many times we can not understand and we hurt so much. Surely, God does not want that for us, or does he? There is no simple answer to those ringing questions. We do know through scripture that much of what happens to us in life is a result of sin. That sin may be in the life of the one injuring us or in ourselves. We must understand that God never takes away the choice of a human's free will. While you may have done nothing wrong in these wounds, where we are responsible, is how we reacted to these wounds.

As a child we use defense mechanisms to deal with emotions and traumas we are not rationally able to process, until we mature and then we begin to process the emotions and traumas. We may at this point be unwilling to process because of fear and choose to avoid as we always have. Over time we get trapped by the very defense mechanisms that were used to safeguard us earlier. We allow fear, of emotional traumas to keep us from healing.

When we allow our emotions to rule our life, we are choosing to sin against ourselves and we become victims. When we choose to allow the love of God to help us overcome our fear of emotional traumas, then we become overcomers and we heal. We know that even that statement does not help the pain, but even our pain God can use to heal us and to the bettering of our life and the lives of others.

7. Where do I find help and someone to talk with?

We here at CrossOver Inc are part of a network of ministries linked to (Exodus) that provide help to individuals whom struggle. To find help you can contact us at info@crossover-inc.org or check out our links to Local Exodus Ministries in your area on our website. Lastly, you can find a list of the services that we provide under the Find Hope link.

8. I need more questions answered.

We know this list is not exhaustive. Please contact us with any further questions you have and we will respond as quickly as possible. If after this you want to speak to others concerning this issue please refer to our resource section and choose the links there.

9. I've prayed and prayed and asked God to change me, but nothing happened.

Prayer is a wonderful tool that God has given us, but it's only one of the tools we have available to us in our arsenal to battle sinful behaviors that overpower us. God's written word, the Bible, is another tool. Being familiar with it, and being able to use it as a weapon against temptation is an advantage to ones fighting this addiction. A third tool is the Body of Christ. Through committed relationships with other believers, one can find support and help in realizing the change God has for those caught in the snare of same-sex attraction. God is always faithful; there is help through CrossOver.

10. Why would someone who experiences same-sex attraction not want to be gay?

Simply speaking spiritually, it is not God's will for humans. God puts into every human being a conscience, which will alert someone when they are engaging in an activity, behavior, speech, etc that is not in keeping with God's will for him/her. Knowing that God has a plan for our sexuality, and that plan does not include same-sex behaviors, should keep us from pursuing them. But sometimes we need help, outside of ourselves, to assist us in staying in God's will for us. CrossOver offers that kind of assistance.

11. Aren't people who say they’ve changed just pretending and never were gay?

No one who is a clear thinking individual "pretends" to be gay. The lifestyle that this behavior displays is often filled with lies, deceit, loneliness, danger, infidelity, sickness and even death. No one who has successfully overcome this addiction in their life has ever claimed there was any pretending to it.